Short Story: "Bossy"

Here's A Short Story I Wrote:

“Never again,” I told her, “I will never take advice from you ever again!”

My hamster just stared at me, as if it didn’t know what I was talking about. “Grounded for one month! This is all your fault JellyBean!” I yelled angrily at my hamster, who was spared the brunt of my aggression by her wireframe safe house. I continued to glare at JellyBean as she flipped on her back and made chirping noises as she wriggled her dime-sized paws in the air. “No! That may work on my Mom but I’m immune to your charms you demon-seed rodent!” I snapped. Sensing her ill-gotten charm wasn’t working, JellyBean maneuvered herself so that her furry butt was firmly planted on her exercise wheel. It gave her the appearance of a person sitting on their favorite chair. “What do you want?” I said with venom in my tone. JellyBean cocked her head and smirked slyly; as saying that I knew exactly what she wanted. “You want me to tell you what went wrong?” I asked incredulously. JellyBean just stared at me for the longest time… she didn’t blink once. Then JellyBean's head started to turn ever so slowly towards my lamp that was perched precariously close to the edge of the table it shared with JellyBean. She had pushed it over once; she wouldn’t hesitate to push it over again. “No…” I said my voice audibly shaking, “Y… you wouldn’t!” JellyBean got up from her wheel and, all the while looking directly at me, started slowly shuffling towards the lamp. “Please… Please!” I begged, “You know I’m afraid of the dark!” It was too late to try to move the lamp, she was too close. Then she stopped. The air was so still it could have been dead. She was giving me another chance! “Wait!” I cried out, “I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you everything!” JellyBean swiveled so that she was facing me, and waited for me to begin. I cleared my throat and started…

The test was about to begin. I remembered the advice you gave me not to ask to use the restroom all day. The teacher passed out all of the tests but before he could tell us to start I raised my hand and asked if I could use the restroom quickly. That’s when the trouble began. You told me he’d be annoyed, you didn’t tell me he’d give me a time limit! He gave me 30 seconds. 30 seconds! I went into this thinking I’d have at least one minute before anybody started getting suspicious! To make matters worse, I hadn’t used the restroom all day so now I really did have to go! But with 30 seconds I only had time to pull the fire alarm and make it look like I was coming out of the restroom! So I got out of the classroom went to the fire alarm and pulled it. Before I could take two steps a tremendous pain shot up my arm. It turns out that when you pull the alarm you break a glass tube containing permanent ink. The glass cut my hand and ink got into the cut; the nurse said it was kind of like a tattoo. The nurse also said that, like a tattoo, it was probably permanent. So I have a tattoo of a blob on my hand, I’ve been suspended, my parents grounded me, and it’s all your fault!

I started to cry. JellyBean looked almost sympathetic for a moment. Then she turned and pushed the lamp off the desk. Leaving me in total, utter darkness.





This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 License.

Text To Speech Rocks!

Most People Have Heard Of Text To Speech Technology. Here's Your Chance To Try It:

AT &T Labs Is Working On A Project Called "AT&T Natural Voices Text-to-Speech". They Have Put A Demo Of Their Work On The Web.

You Can Click HERE To Go To The Site


OR

Click HERE For A Sample

EDIT (November 28, 2006): The Above Link No Longer Works... Sucks To Be You...

The Digital Life

A recent New York Times article touted the title "A Flash Drive That Holds Your Computer". The article says it works by not only storing files like MSWord Documents but also the system files that allow them to run. Exciting, no? Indeed exciting but also quite troubling. When I went to Jr. High floppy discs and CD's were almost banned because of the threat of uploading a virus to the schools computer. Of course the teachers were mistaken, we had Crapintosh's (once, for fun I checked how many instances of the "I Love You" virus were on a single Mac and lost count at 20. At this point you may be thinking to yourself, "Wow! What kind of firewall did you have?" The answer is, we didn't... At first this seems like a good thing... Then you get to thinking... If one of the world's most destructive viruses DOES NOT WORK on a Macintosh... Something's wrong with the Macintosh... But I digress...) The point I'm trying to make is: If computers can still get infected... Even though they have firewalls and anti-virus tools... Is it really a good idea to make something that can transfer a infected hard drive to a different computer?

The "flash drive" the New York Times was talking about was the "Ceedo Personal" running the "Lexar PowerToGo" software. The flash drive costs $53 to $90 for the 1GB and 2GB models respectively (an impressive 4GB model is set to be released in August). That kind of storage capacity is very frightening to this author. Think about the amount of viruses a disgruntled employee (statistically the most likely to sabotage a businesses computer) could store on a flash drive like that. Worse this could allow someone to unintentionally infect somebody's computer! The article also had worse news:

• "Lexar claims it's "Lightning" [flash drives]... Are two to six times as fast as regular flash drives..."
• "[Lexar's rival] U3 argues that [their flash drive]... offers more security... such as a password for the flash drive..." (U3 makes a special flash drive that allows you to install programs on the flash drive.
• "... [Ceedo's software] requires neither special programs nor special flash drives... It even runs on iPods and other portable drives..."
• "... Ceedo-equipped flash drives trick software installers into [installing]... onto a duplicate of your windows folder..."
• "... there's even a portable, duplicate registry on board..."
• "When you plug your drive into any PC - at, say, a Kinko's, a Airport Waiting Lounge, or at a friends house..."

Scary stuff...

Revenge!

I saw this recently on a chatboard (It's what you call a signature or "siggy". It comes after your message and is usually funny.):

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
Alexai Sayle.


I like our president, but I have to admit... that is pretty funny... I made a funnier one though:

"The British have different ways of saying things. They say "chips", we say "fries" ... they say "teeth", we say "monstrosities"...

Strife_Master

Work Sucks

Recently I've heard the following phrase over and over: "Doesn't Work Give You Such A Satisfying Feeling?" To which I usually respond, "No, but you give me a 'Stepford Wife' feeling." With that aside I will now talk about my opinions on work.

1. Work is not satisfying.


After doing several hours of yard work I would never say, "Wow! How Fulfilling! I Wish I Could Do That Again!" However, I would say, "Damn... What A Waste of Time..."


2. Work does not "Feel Good".


I can honestly say that it has the opposite effect on me. It "Feels Like My Muscles Are Rapidly Atrophying".


3. Work does not give you a sense of accomplishment.


Rather it gives you a depressing feeling. (i.e. "It Looked Better Before...")

I hope this helps you in your decision on what to do this summer... Me, I'm going to Vegas.

EDIT (November 28, 2006): I Really Did Go To Las Vegas That Summer... It Rocked...

Must Kill Bono!

Keane singer Tom Chaplin recently told England's "Q magazine" that one night while the trio was opening up for U-2 last year, he spotted some kitchen knives backstage, and a disturbing thought popped into his head. "The thought just came to me, 'I'll kill Bono.' Like when a train's approaching and you get the urge to jump." No word on whether Chaplin aspires to inherit the suposedly cursed "Bono Ruby".




Source: http://1077theend.com/musicnews.asp

Breaking News!Venture Bros Not Dead!

According To This Picture (Found At "Jackson Publick's" Blog):

Dean and Hank Venture haven't been killed off! It turns out that just needed a break from the glare of publicity and faked their own deaths... Very... Very realistically! Luckily they have just been hanging out in the attic at their home (1297 Venture Compound West). Thaddeus Venture's bodyguard, Brock Samson, is credited with finding the boys. When asked whether he was surprised when he found the two teenagers Brock said, "No, not really. The giggling coming from the attic was just starting to creep me out." We will give more details as soon as more is known about this development.

Google Is On Crack!

NOTE: Unfortunately, This Appears To No Longer Work. I'm Keeping This Post Here Because I Can.

Okay... I Just Discovered Something Odd... Search Google For "non-sequitur" Without The Quotes. It Will Say: "Did You Mean: non-sequitur non sequitur". Click On This And It Will Say: "Did You Mean: non-sequitur non sequitur non sequitur"! Keep Clicking: It Goes On Forever!

0

And Now... A Non-Sequitur Ad!

If you watch TV at all you've seen those "Comcast... It's Comcastic!" advertisements. Well I'm here to say that Comcast is indeed "Comcastic". Here are some of its features:

• On Demand: Lets you watch free shows from channels like: Comedy Central, Boomerang, and The History channel! You can rent movies with it too!
• Parental Control's: Great for annoying siblings if you know the 4-digit parental control code.
• Music Channels: All Music, All The Time!
• And More!

Now, keep in mind, I'm NOT being paid under the table to say this... (as far as you know).

EDIT (November 28, 2006): MUHUHAHAHA!!!

The Tragedy of Cartoon Sequel's (A Critique)

So, today while I was eating breakfast I happened upon the "sequel" to the original Rugrats cartoon show, "All Grown Up". The first thing I noticed was the fact that throughout the entire show the characters were... Well... Out of character! Tommy who, in the original show, was the adventurous one was more cautious, laid-back, and at times embittered towards his brother, Dill.
The twins, Phil and Lil, had completely alien character traits. Phil was a kleptomaniac of sorts, and Lil seemed to have gone mute. The parents were nearly non-existent. In a strange-twist, the former baby-sitter, Susie, and the Bully, Angelica, had their own side-plot. All in all this was a major disappointment for me. The show had taken a definite turn for the worst in a desperate attempt to gain a foothold in the "tween" market.

FYI

Both the original Rugrats and All Grown Up are on Nickelodeon
at 6:30 Tues-Sun and 7:00 Tues-Sun (all PST) respectively.

Go Army? (An Army Of Sucky Jobs)

So... I was looking on "goarmy.com" at possible military careers. Some sounded cool (a.k.a. Job Requirements Include: Blowing Stuff Up); and others... well... didn't!

1. Army Plumber: basically your "mission" is to fix the pipes that carry the strangely large army of one's crap.
   
2. Food Service Operations Specialist: your "mission" should you have no other choice but to accept it: Serve mashed potatoes to people who risk their lives for their country. The only thing you'll risk is giving them indigestion.
3. Pharmacy Specialist : If a soldier goes crazy because he didn't have his med's... You'll be the one they blame...
4. Dental Specialist : If a soldier needs a root canal you better hope they brought a toothbrush.
5. Shower/Laundry and Textile Specialist : You ever notice the maids at the Hilton? Yeah... Welcome to the army...
6. Lithographer: You are the one responsible for propaganda, and job descriptions on the GoArmy.com website. You served your country well... now replace that ink cartridge... for your country!

EDIT (November 28, 2006): Let Me Make It Clear That I Have Nothing Against The Army (I'm Pro-War And Proud Of It) I Just Think It Would Be Funny If You Joined The Army Looking For Action And Got The "Army Plumber" Job

OMG....OMG....Part I Of The Creepiest Websites Ever

Sorry I haven't posted in so long but, what the hey? It's not like there's anybody out there whose only purpose in life is to see me post (heck, my mom has to be reminded that I even have a blog!).
But... Out there in cyberspace there are people who cling to things... thing's that are so unnatural there won't be... No, can't be any explanation... SHIELD YOUR EYES IT'S: PART I OF THE CREEPIEST WEBSITES EVER! Muhuhahaha!

1. The dailykitten.com/ This is just borderline psychotic! GOOD GOD IT'S PURE EVIL! Have the masses not heeded my warnings! Do I Have To Show The World... The "PICTURE"?!?
2. Hamtaro.com AIEEEEE! Avert Ye Eyes! Lucifer Hath Cometh! GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

This Is All I Can Take For Now... Must Rest... *colapses while clicking submit*

EDIT (November 28, 2006): Apparently A Good Version Of The *shudder* DailyKitten Has Appeared: http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/index.html?flow=no&large=no

News and Whatnot...

So, judging from the amount of comments I get... Okay, the amount of comments I should get; some of you are worried about the fact that Sony has put a bunch of crap (not including their music) into their CD's that makes it impossible to download the songs to your iPod.

My Reaction:
If This Bothers You Don't Buy The PS3! They Might Have Made It So You Can't Let Go Of The Controller!

That's all I have time for, good night!

EDIT (November 28, 2006): I Must Have Been On Crack When I Wrote This... What I Meant To Say Was: The Bastards At Sony (By The Way I'm Still Pissed At Them For This S**T They Pulled) Put A Virus On Some Of Their CD's That Made Your Computer Vulnerable To Several Trojan Horse Viruses. Even More Crappy Was That They Stole The Source Code That Allowed Them To Do This By Not Asking It's Creator For Permission. Even Crappier Than That: They Issued A "Fix" For This Problem That Opened Even More Possibilities Of Trojan Horse Virus Attacks! Finally Some White-Hat Hackers Came Up With A Real Fix. I Have A Fix Of My Own. Why Don't We Fire-Bomb Sony BMG Into Submission! ... And That's All I Have To Say About That...

And There Was Much Rejoicing..."yay..."~"Monty Python And The Quest For The Holy Grail"

This thanksgiving I am thankful for:

1. My dysfunctional family

• My Dad (biological... Much to my chagrin).

Here's why: Tonight's dinner was evidently prepared by both my dad, and his girlfriend (who is the only sane one among us). How was I to know that if I didn't choose to eat stuffing or casserole (prepared by my dad's girlfriend) that my dad would open a portal to hell? Needless to say that knowing what I do now, I would have rather spent today with Tom Cruise on speed (*look for an upcoming blog about this*) than with my own Norman Bates v.2.0 (a.k.a. "Dad"). The next couple of hours were spent toiling in the "kitchen of doom" {cue "leather-whip sound-fx"} complete with my father snarling such classics as:

• Dad: (sarcastic) "hmm... I don't know? How about you figuring something out yourself for once!"

Me: "I didn't know and I just didn't want to have to re-load the dishwa..."

Dad: "DON'T SASS ME YOUNG MAN!"

Me: "But I..."

Dad: "THAT'S IT! NO DESSERT FOR TWO WEEKS!"

Me: "Yes sir..."

Dad: "I'LL MAKE IT THREE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND GET TO WORK!"

I could go on but I won't. Mainly because my two-minute break is up and I don't really have time to be thankful for anything else.

happy thanksgiving... *sigh* Good Grief...

Green Acres

Who doesn't love old time TV?

This Guy, That's Who!

If you're like me in that you watch a moderate amount of TV, then you're bound to run across an old TV show like "Happy Day's", "I Love Lucy", "The Munsters", or even "Green Acres"! People with cable might see them on "Nick At Night". People with Digital Cable or Direct TV might see them on "TV Land". (For those of you without even basic cable, or bunny ears, You can still get all but a few of the basic cable channels with a long TV cable, some aluminum foil, and patience...)

There's something about old time TV that you can't get nowadays (if you watch it, you'll know what I'm talking about.) It's not something you can describe... But if you think you can, please post a comment! There's something different about the TV shows of yesterday... Something that's lost on the TV shows of today... Now that is truly strife!

Update: RSS Feed Up And Running!

Tired Of Having To Actually Wait For My Blog To Load?
Now You Don't Have To (wait as long) !!!
Now You Can Subscribe To My RSS Feed And Save Almost 5 Seconds Of Downloading Time! Wow!

Favorite Links: Part I Of III

games:

• http://www.addictinggames.com

Good: Tons Of Games And Catagories

Bad: Hard To Navigate (Too Many Links That Are Too Close Together)

• http://www.flashplayer.com/games

Good: Cool Games, Easy To Navigate, Screen Shots Of Each Game

Bad: Sometimes Loads Slow, Annoying Popups, Did I Mention That It Takes Too Long To Load?

• http://www.newgrounds.com

Good: Hundreds Of Fun Games And Very Little Popups

Bad: Lots Of Innappropriate Content

• http://www.miniclip.com

Good: Cool Games, Lots Of Cool Games

Bad: Some Content Isn't Free/You Have To Subscribe

• http://www.popcap.com

Good: Cool Games, Very Addicting

Bad: Not All Games Can Be Played Online, Sometimes Crashes, Leaves A Bunch Of (Harmless) Cookies/Temporary Files On Your Computer, Weird Glitch That Screws Up Your History Folder.

Morderlo

So, here I am, wallowing away in self pity until summer vacation starts. At least, I HOPE it will be a vacation. I have 2 C's, 3 D's, and a B (Last Time I Checked...). I have over 90 infractions (the equivalent of a firm slap on the wrist from the public "school" system). The humorless office drones continue to antagonize me by giving me detention every week. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on a "Borg Cube" instead of getting a so called "education. There is only one thing that prevents me from being "re-educated".

I know how much teachers make.

That said I have two words to say to anyone between me and summer vacation...

Bite Me

EDIT (November 28, 2006): About The Teacher Salaries: At One Time I Did Come Across A Payroll Sheet... I Still Have It Somewhere. These Teachers Were Paid WAAAAAAY Too Much! The Vice-Principal Made Over $90,000 A Year! (He Drove A Porsche To School Every Day)

The "Thug" Life

Why is it that today everyone wants to be a "gangsta"? Everyone acts like they're from some bullet-riddled "ghetto" or "hood"! It seems like I'm the only one who doesnt find bad grammer and gun-shot wounds appealing. In fact I'm the polar opposite! I'm less "gangsta" than Woody Allen! And one last thing: Tupac Is DEAD! Get Over It!

Writers Block

The Title Says It All...
I Will Now Post Random Meaningless Pictures...
And There Is Nothing You Can Do About It!