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Familiar Leaves
The high school boy walking through the park with me today looks miserable. It’s his own damn fault. Probably thought community service would look good on his resume. Now he’s miserable because he has to walk an old man through the park. To hell with him. I can walk through the park fine on my own. It’s probably those orderlies again, trying to make me feel useless they are! Well, it is what it is. I’m smiling as the snow crunches beneath my boots. I look up and see a leafless oak tree…
Another short story ___
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Smalltime
“Okay, I’ve got one”, Mark said with a grin, “the priest with the erection in The Little Mermaid.” Derek smiled smugly and declared, “Nope, not true.” “What do you mean no?” “It was his knee.” “That’s not what I heard.” “It’s true! I Snoped it!” “You did what?” Mark asked. “I looked it up on Snopes. I Snoped it.” “You made that up.” “I did indeed” Derek proclaimed proudly. “I’ve got another one”, Mark said continuing before Derek could argue, “There’s a cloud of dust in the Lion King that looks like the word ‘SEX’.” “Not quite.” “Oh! Come on!” “It actually says ‘SFX’”, Derek said with an all too familiar smugness, “It was an easter egg put in by the effects animators.” “That settles it; you have way too much free-time.” “That’s not true, I work very hard!” “You watch movies!” “No, I review movies for a respected newspaper.” “Since when was the ‘Irving Times’ a respected newspaper?” “$60,000 a year says it’s very respectable.” There was an awkward silence as Mark’s argument crumpled under the weight of Derek’s paycheck.
It was just after 12 o’clock and the street was nearly empty. It was a warm Tuesday afternoon. Cheap looking plastic banners were still attached to lampposts on the street proudly announcing an art exhibition by some semi-famous and highly overrated sculptor. The date on the banners said April 14th-April 16th. It was now the middle of June and the banners were in a sad state. The Taco Bell parking lot Mark’s car was idling in was empty save for a few of the employee’s cars. Derek had brought along a novel that he had been meaning to finish. He was reading it now. Mark had brought along an old Hustler magazine he had found wedged between the cushions of his couch, but didn’t especially feel like reading it in a Taco Bell parking lot next to his best friend. For now the smut stayed under Mark’s seat. Mark looked at the street lamp banners for a while and then looked at his watch. 12:17. 13 minutes to go. He thought briefly about getting a Burrito but decided that he wasn’t hungry. Instead he looked at a window advertisement that claimed that it was never too late for “Fourthmeal”. Mark looked at his watch again, 12:18. 12 minutes to go. He took a peek over Derek’s shoulder to see what he was reading,
“In quantum mechanics, the forces or interactions between matter particles are all supposed to be carried by particles of integer spin – 0, 1, or 2. What happens is that a matter particle, such as an electron or a quark, emits a force-carrying particle. The recoil from this emission changes…”
“What the hell are you reading Derek”, Mark asked while recoiling in horror as it appeared that his friend was reading an instructional manual for an atomic bomb. “It’s ‘A Brief History of Time’ by Stephen Hawking.” Mark’s eyes lit up, “The robot dude!” “He’s not a robot, he’s…”, Derek began then continued with a sigh, “Yes, the robot dude.” “Sweet.” “So, tell me again about this guy we’re picking up”, Derek asked tossing the book into the back seat, “Where did you meet him?” “Steve’s an old friend from college that I bumped into at the video store.” “I didn’t know you went to college”, exclaimed a surprised Derek, “What did you major in?” “Philosophy” Derek’s eyes bugged out, “You have a degree in philosophy?!?” Mark laughed, “Of course not! I dropped out in the second semester.” Derek changed the subject, “Over the phone you said this was going to be dangerous, how dangerous are we talking about here?” “You want to know the plan?” “Yes, that would be most ideal.”
“We wait here until 12:30 then drive across the street to the bank where Steve runs out and ‘hijack’s’ my car.” “Why is Steve ‘hijacking’ your car?” “Well, for one, he’s paying us to”, Mark explained, “and if we are involved in a high-speed chase, the cops are less likely to ram a car with hostages inside.” “I almost hate to ask this but, why would we be involved in a high speed chase with the police?” “Because of all the money Steve stole”, Mark said cheerfully.
“So, basically, we’re robbing a bank”, Derek said with an amount of calm in his voice that should not have been possible, “You made this sound a lot safer over the phone.” “No, we are never even entering the bank. We are just innocent bystanders who were forced to drive the bank robber to Mexico.” Derek looked unconvinced of the validity of this plan, “What’s our cut again?” “$5000 to split between the two of us.” Derek did some quick math, “That’s only $2500 for me, that’s 1/24th of my yearly paycheck.” Another potentially awkward silence was averted by a quick interjection from Mike, “You’ve mentioned before wanting to branch out from movie reviews, I’ll bet this would make a great article.” “Mmmmmnnh”, Derek said. Mike looked down at his watch, “It’s time, you in or out?” “Ah, what the hell, I’ve got nothing better to do.” Mike pulled out of the Taco Bell parking lot feeling vaguely hungry, and drove across the street to the First Bank of Irving. Then they waited.
Steve was late. “It’s been five minutes”, Derek said nervously. Mike said nothing as his car continued to idle. Mike was busy watching more and more customers enter the bank. “What happens if the police catch us”, Derek asked. “Steve did the math; there are just over 400 employees of the Irving Police Department. Only a few of those are actually patrol officers, and only a few of those patrol officers are on beat right now”, Mike said reassuringly, “It’s 12:35 so most of the cops are having lunch.” “Not all of them are having lunch though, what about the ones still patrolling?” “Well, Steve said…” Mike was interrupted by the screeching entrance of a car into the bank parking lot. “Is that Steve”, Derek asked pointing at the man who had jumped out of the car that had just arrived wearing a black ski mask and brandishing a gun. “I guess so”, Mark said nervously as Steve rushed through the bank doors and fired three shots in the air. It was obvious by the looks on both Mark and Derek’s faces that neither of them had expected an armed robbery would be so violent. As the minutes went by the tension in the car increased until it felt like trying to breath while incased in a stick of butter. Derek fumbled for his book and tried to read but found himself reading the sentence about the exchange of electrons between atoms in gravity waves over and over again. Meanwhile Mark was trying desperately to think about the best route to Mexico from the bank but kept getting distracted by the occasional loud demands of Steve from inside the bank.
Suddenly four shots rang out. Steve limped out of the bank carrying two bags full of cash then jerked the back door to Mike’s car open and screamed hoarsely, “DRIVE!” Mike fumbled with the keys for a minute then bolted out of the Bank’s parking lot. As Mike entered the on ramp to the highway there was a loud thud from the back seat. Steve had collapsed onto the floor knocking over one of the bank bags spilling twenties haphazardly. Derek twisted his body to see what had happened and saw Steve lying on the floor with blood pooling out from two holes in his side and one in his thigh. “Jesus, Mike he’s been shot”, Derek said turning pale, “What do we do?” Mike didn’t answer, his knuckles were white and his eyes kept darting to the rearview mirror. “Mike! What do we do”, Derek yelled grabbing Mike’s shoulders and shaking him, “What do we do?” “I don’t know! This wasn’t part of the plan”, he snapped, “Let me think!” Derek didn’t say anything, every few minutes he thought he heard a police siren but it always turned out to be a passing truck. “Is he still bleeding”, Mike asked breaking the silence. Derek turned around again, “Yeah, he’s still bleeding.” “Then he’s still alive, we keep going”
Thirty minutes later Mike asked again. Derek twisted around again. Steve was dead. Mike pulled off the highway near Forreston and onto a dirt road. After a few miles he stopped the car. “We have to get Steve out.” Derek nodded and they both got out of the car. “I’ll drag him out by his legs and then you grab his arms”, Mike said as if Steve was an old piece of furniture. Derek gulped and nodded his head. They dragged him to a ditch about two hundred feet from the road and hid him in a patch of tall grass. Mike emptied Steve’s pockets. As they were walking back to the car Mike opened Steve’s wallet, he gasped then ran back over to Steve’s body and removed his ski cap. Derek ran over to Mike, “What’s wrong?” Mike smiled then began to laugh until tears came from his eyes. “What”, asked Derek in a panicked voice, “What’s wrong?” Mike wiped the tears from his eyes and sat on the ground, “This isn’t Steve.” “What!?!” “You heard me, it’s some guy named Frank Wilkinson.” “Who the hell is Frank Wilkinson?” “No idea, never seen him before in my life.” Derek was confused, “Was he someone who Steve hired?” Mike shrugged, “Maybe, probably not. Steve probably chickened out and this guy just happened to be robbing the bank.” “What’s so funny then?” “Have you counted the money in the bags?” Derek ran back to the car just as Mike burst into laughter again. Five minutes later Derek came back and sat down next to Mike and began laughing with him. “How much do we have?” “$600,000, give or take a few stray twenties”, Derek said giggling. They both got up and headed back to the car. Derek looked at Mike, “How far do we have to go till we get to the border?” “From Forreston? About 400 miles, we should get there in about six hours.” “I don’t have my passport; do you think we’ll get through ok?” “Getting into Mexico will be no problem”, Mike said grinning; “Getting back into the States is what we have to worry about.” Mike started the engine, “We’re almost out of gas.” “With $600,000 dollars in the back seat gas doesn’t seem so expensive anymore.” Mike turned on the radio and the news started playing. There wasn’t even a mention of a bank robbery. As they filled up the car with gas Mike said, “You know, looking back on the whole thing, I think that turned out pretty well.” “It went even better than expected”, Derek said while doing some math in his head, “We got 240 times more money than was originally planned.” They paid then got back in the car. Mike turned on the radio. “I still can’t believe I earned $300,000 today” Derek marveled, “That’s five times my yearly payc…” Mike turned the volume on the radio up all the way.
