Last Words

I was feeling a bit morbid today so I wrote this list of words I might want to say on my deathbed:

• Well... This totally screws up my plans for Saturday...
• It turns out that the light at the end of the tunnel is just a "Laser Floyd" show.
• Before I die, I'd like to let you know that, although I love you all very much, I'm going to make you fight to the death in a televised cage match in order to win my inheritance. It will be hosted by an Elvis impersonator handpicked by myself and my invisible pet monkey "Jubjub".
• Dance! Dance for my amusement!
• I want my remains donated to "Fear Factor".
• When I die... Leave my heart in San Fransisco.
• I want my remains frozen until they find a way to bring back the dead!
• Either you find a way to end world hunger within the hour, or I will set off a 1 megaton bomb I have hidden somewhere under the grounds of Shel Silverstein's birthplace...
• What? Wait, are you crying?!? Oh don't be such a baby! Look everybody! Will's crying! Let's all laugh at the little baby!
• Wait... I... I see a light! There's people here... (Gasp) Someone's walking towards me... It's ... It's Aunt Cassie! Wait... She... She has something... IT'S A GUN! SHE HAS A GUN!!!
• The only way you can make me proud now son is to learn to speak Russian fluently before I die... You have twenty minutes starting........... NOW!